69 Lessons Learned from Latin Lovers

69 Lessons Learned from Latin Lovers

The one that got away. Lesson #16

69. Latin women love same-side sitting. I think it’s sexy if done with the right person and food selection (When eating ribs respect the space).

68. Chivalry isn’t dead gentlemen. Open doors, pull out chairs and offer your jacket.

67. Unlike American women, don’t expect Latin women to thank you for your chivalry, it’s expected.

66. You need to set a precedent early on… NO SURPRISE VISITS. They’re dangerous and will become more and more frequent. Not to mention they’re unexpected.

65. Never trust a woman who drives a mustang.

64. Never fight over a woman, but you can fight to defend a woman.

63. If you find a hot Ecuadorian woman you better hold on to her.

62. When in Argentina, drink a little Fernet and coke after dinner and it will help with digestion.

61. When in Colombia, order a bottle of Aguadiente vs individual drinks. It’s cheaper and you can share with neighboring tables.

60. One Night Stands: American girls won’t stay for breakfast. Latin girls won’t leave.

59. It’s cool to sit in a park and do absolutely nothing. Just enjoy the day and the company.

58. Women on Internet dating sites in Latin America carry the same baggage as those on dating sites in the United States (surveyed).

57. Pay by the hour hotel rooms (telos) aren’t just for drug dealers and prostitutes.

56. If she knows where the cheap telos are outside her neighborhood, pump the brakes and think about it.

55. In South America, discotecas are what we call Night Clubs and Night Clubs are what we call places where you pay women to have sex with you.

54. Strip clubs in Latin America aren’t like those in the States; lap dances are like a free sample. You pay to go, not for the show.

53. Hookers are people too (just a lot dirtier).

52. Gringo hunters are real and they can be very persuasive. Always keep the green card factor in mind. Sometimes you have to play defense.

51. Make an attempt to learn the local language. Men will respect you for it and women think it’s cute.

50. If you surround yourself with tourists, you’ll be treated like one.

49. Playing the “strong silent” type can be a great angle if you don’t know what anyone is saying.

48. Everyone in the world speaks body language. Not everyone understands body shots though.

47. Latin Punctuality Guide – Work: on time, Date: 10-20 minutes late, Party: 1-2 hours late.

46. Some Colombian girls get fake boobs for their Quinceañera (sweet 15). Argentine women get fake boobs through their health insurance. What a world.

45. Butt implants are like jelly fish. They’re awesome to look at but you don’t want to get too close.

44. Never underestimate the power of a good wingman.

43. Don’t let your date drink too much. When she starts throwing food or dancing with the doorman, it’s time to cut her off.

42. Don’t drink too much on a date. When you start spilling drinks or confessing your love, it’s time to cut yourself off.

41. Pace yourself at a nightclub. Take the first half hour to just watch the club dynamics before approaching anyone. It might save yourself from a angry boyfriend or big friends.

40. If you turn and admire a beautiful women walk by in Latin America you’re not a pervert, you’re a man.

39. If things are going really bad, shut up. If things are going really good, shut up.

38. If ever in doubt, stop and think… what would James Bond do right now?

37. Never come to a party empty handed.

36. If you hear a knock on the door late at night when you’re with company… don’t answer it unless you’re missing somebody.

35. Gift Guide Based on Relationship: 1-night: Chocolate, Short-term: Flowers, Long-term: Clothing/jewelry (the gifts match the life span).

34. Living at home means PDA is necessary. Learn to embrace it.

33. Don’t meet the parents unless you’re serious. It’s a huge step no matter what she tells you.

32. If a woman wakes up and starts to clean your house. Pretend you’re sleeping.

31. When you’re at a loss for words in the morning play this song: “Yo No Se Mañana” by Luis Enrique.

30. Victoria doesn’t share her secret with everyone in Latin America. Proceed with caution.

29. Automatically add 2 bases when utilizing Sangria in cold weather and Clerico in warm weather.

28. If you say you’re going to call and she accepts that, call. If you don’t plan on calling, let her take your number so it’s not on you.

27. Don’t spread yourself too thin. If Zack Morris couldn’t do it, neither can you.

26. Everything is negotiable.

25. Dance Floor Etiquette 1: Ask permission to dance rather than just grinding up behind them like in the States.

24. Dance Floor Etiquette 2: If already on the dance floor, approach women with equal dancing partners or they will turn you down (they won’t leave their friends).

23. Unlike Americans, most Latinas eat their biggest meal for lunch, which is great because that save you money on dinner.

22. Expect to pay for everything with Latin women. However, the keepers will at least give you “the reach”.

21. Long distance relationships don’t work unless you have a definite end goal in sight.

20. Eye contact is amazingly affective. It can be used strategically from the boardroom to the bar (hold longer for added affect).

19. The Door Test rule applies everywhere.

18. Latin women tell you the truth about your lovemaking. Bring your A game.

17. Latin women have never seen “How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days”.

16. If she talks about your relationship status on the second date it’s time to move on. You’re witnessing just the tip of the iceberg. No excuses.

15. If a women calls and hangs up it’s not because she’s pranking you. She doesn’t want to use the credit on her phone. You have to call back.

14. Everything is better when you’re relaxed.

13. Be honest about your intentions and you’ll be surprised at how positive the reaction can be. If not, It will come back to haunt you.

12. What you do and say are two totally different things. Try to keep them on the same page.

11. The key to a women’s heart is through her friends. Embrace her friends and you win the girl (don’t sleep with them).

10. Buckle up every time. I don’t care how good of a driver she is. Understand this has nothing to do with transportation.

9. Treat your courtship with a woman like cooking a steak. You can never un-cook a burnt steak. Think about it.

8. 3 Words: Facebook. Privacy. Settings.

7. Women love men who are caring, thoughtful, funny, smart, strong, loyal, honest, spontaneous, classy, rugged and good lovers… so, just be that.

6.  If a women out of your league seems overly interested calm down and evaluate your chances of being robbed.

5. The fastest way you will learn a language is by dating someone who doesn’t speak yours.

4. Be discreet when talking about your sex life. Like my mom said about this post, “remember, your wife could read this one day.”

3. Always listen to your mother.

2. Dancing leads to sex. if it doesn’t, start taking dance lessons.

1. Never take yourself too seriously.

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48 Responses to 69 Lessons Learned from Latin Lovers

  1. Classic post. Well done

  2. Haha, the door test….I passed that one on my first date, and at the time, had no idea it even existed!
    Christine recently posted..Here’s a sneak peek of the gorgeous day I had yesterday…My Profile

    • Gareth

      I LOVE that you were given and passed the test Christine. I have honestly been using this test since I was 17. The problem now is that everyone has automatic doors…

  3. Awesome post, G. The one about her not wanting to use her cell phone credit made me laugh out loud and instantly brought me back to Buenos Aires.

    • Gareth

      Thanks Brent! Yeah, the phone credit game is always an entertaining battle. As you know, living in South America makes you appreciate the monthly plans in the States so much more.

  4. Wow I need to put all these lessons to the test and get my guiri/gringo ass over there. Checking out the door test right now.
    Will – My Spanish Adventure recently posted..5 Reasons You’ll Love Learning Spanish Language and Culture: 5 Months Under ImmersionMy Profile

  5. Hmmmmmmm…. I have been married to a Latin ‘Lover’ male for 10 years, not sure why he doesn’t think I need to get all these on me! Maybe cause he thinks gringas don’t like to have the doors opened and that I can spend the credit on my own phone :)

    Great article, the thing is, most latin men complain about just how high maintaince latinas can be.
    Marina K. Villatoro recently posted..Girls Getaway to Costa Rica – TestimonialMy Profile

    • Gareth

      Haha, ask him! I think Latinas are a different kind of “high maintenance”. They don’t expect fancy cars or dinners but they do expect more attention and commitment than most American women I’ve met (right away).

  6. I miss sitting on the same side, I thought it was awful in the beginning but now I wish we did it in Canada
    Ayngelina recently posted..Looking for love in all the wrong placesMy Profile

  7. So true, I am a woman, but can see the reality in everything you say. Latinas are much harder to handle than American women, still, I find them more feminine and somewhat more serious and honest.
    Argentina traveler recently posted..Things to Do and See in the Amazing Buenos AiresMy Profile

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  9. For balance I really think we need the female version here ;) In fact I’ve just written a book about it. Getting nude photos secretely taken of me by a local while taking a shower in a hostel in Bolivia. Check. Getting groped while walking back to my hostel on the beach in Peru. Check. Having my tour guide who hadn’t said a word to me during the machu picchu tour suddenly propose we duck into the bushes and have sex. Check.

  10. This is genious Gareth!

    Number 6 is a good one to keep in mind, but probably tough to act on. Personal experience?

    Just enjoyed some of the Medellin stuff too. Researching…
    Dan recently posted..Vicarious Volunteering: Helping Honduras Kids, La Ceiba, HondurasMy Profile

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  12. I was wondering why you mentioned the comment about Ecuadorian women. I have an Ecuadorian girl friend I intend to marry. Are you saying of all the South American countries, Ecuadorians are special? #63

  13. Facebook. Privacy. Settings.
    Word brother.

  14. I’m sure its spot on! Hilarious though! number 16… is literally every female in South Korea!

    Top post!!
    Simon recently posted..Boracay : The Beauty and the BeastMy Profile

  15. I must say something about # 16 in particular. It is a cultural thing: We Latin girls either have a boyfriend or not. There is no in-between “dating” thing like in the USA.

    It does not necessarily mean that they want to marry you within the next week (although some do mean it, haha). Rather, they simply don’t want to feel like sluts by just sleeping with you. If you give them that “girlfriend” name, they feel safe to get freaky without being Judged. Some weird cultural safety net they teach us since we are very young.

    Yes, there are some freaks out there, but not all Latinas are alike. I have learned the American way and understood the whole dating without a status/girlfriend name, but for more Latinas, that is very hard to understand.

    Like I said, it is a cultural thing! So don’t freak out so soon, unless you see other dangerous behavior ;) haha!

    – Maria Alexandra
    Spanish Translator @latinAbroad recently posted..Travel bucket list photos: Get inspired by delicious food and gorgeous views!My Profile

  16. Love the post. So much solid advice. I love how much of this bridges the gaps between American expectations and Latin expectations. That gap is the biggest reason I never go to SA for the women.

  17. Hahaha I loved this post, and could resonate with you on so many levels. So much of this expands beyond South America…either way, sounds like I need to get there pronto!
    Jeremy recently posted..Announcing The Travel Blogging Calendar 2013: The Calendars for a Charitable CauseMy Profile

  18. Some pretty good advice you’re giving there although I can’t agree with everyone.
    Neil Skywalker recently posted..My latest interview: At TraveLinkSitesMy Profile

  19. This must have been a tough one to research :) nice post Gareth, hysterical, as expected :)

  20. I am latinoamerican man, in order to handle a latinoamerican women you have to develop your affetive and intuitive part, I think is like a fusion of your mind, heart and testicles and dive in the amazing world of feelings, passion and femininity of latinoamerican women. It could be addictive.

  21. Ja ja you made me laughed so hard! This is true! So true! Me acabo de dar cuenta!

  22. No the question is which countries did you learn these in.. I think I can nail each one. Well done my man

  23. I believe this might be true, but i prefer staying in Latin America than messing with some gringa that has no meat lol.. Anyways, if any gringo want to come here make sure u get marry otherwise u will regret ur life while watching Sofia vergara´s show on tv with a gringa next to u lol

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  25. Brilliant! Love it, I felt from the chair while reading it, too funny!
    Marysia @ My Travel Affairs recently posted..From the Road: Baku – QusarMy Profile

  26. I once hear that the inspiring writer RobertFrost said he had not been
    a teacher, but rather an awakener. I think this blog works the same since it awakens me,
    as well as others I guess, and makes me think.
    http://freeamateursexchat.blogspot.com/ recently posted..http://freeamateursexchat.blogspot.com/My Profile

  27. What The FACTS…!!!
    Why theres is so much discussed about Latin Women only but not about the other kind of LOVE.

  28. Dance Floor Etiquette 2: If already on the dance floor, approach women with equal dancing partners or they will turn you down (they won’t leave their friends)
    HAHAHA An argentinean classic (but let me tell you that it’s an excuse when they don’t want to dance with you)

  29. If you Are a White american Do Not marry one of these nutjobs….dont follow the little head. Race fetishes have no place in marriage….caveat emptor. …for real.

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