The one that got away. Lesson #16
69. Latin women love same-side sitting. I think it’s sexy if done with the right person and food selection (When eating ribs respect the space).
68. Chivalry isn’t dead gentlemen. Open doors, pull out chairs and offer your jacket.
67. Unlike American women, don’t expect Latin women to thank you for your chivalry, it’s expected.
66. You need to set a precedent early on… NO SURPRISE VISITS. They’re dangerous and will become more and more frequent. Not to mention they’re unexpected.
65. Never trust a woman who drives a mustang.
64. Never fight over a woman, but you can fight to defend a woman.
63. If you find a hot Ecuadorian woman you better hold on to her.
62. When in Argentina, drink a little Fernet and coke after dinner and it will help with digestion.
61. When in Colombia, order a bottle of Aguadiente vs individual drinks. It’s cheaper and you can share with neighboring tables.
60. One Night Stands: American girls won’t stay for breakfast. Latin girls won’t leave.
59. It’s cool to sit in a park and do absolutely nothing. Just enjoy the day and the company.
58. Women on Internet dating sites in Latin America carry the same baggage as those on dating sites in the United States (surveyed).
57. Pay by the hour hotel rooms (telos) aren’t just for drug dealers and prostitutes.
56. If she knows where the cheap telos are outside her neighborhood, pump the brakes and think about it.
55. In South America, discotecas are what we call Night Clubs and Night Clubs are what we call places where you pay women to have sex with you.
54. Strip clubs in Latin America aren’t like those in the States; lap dances are like a free sample. You pay to go, not for the show.
53. Hookers are people too (just a lot dirtier).
52. Gringo hunters are real and they can be very persuasive. Always keep the green card factor in mind. Sometimes you have to play defense.
51. Make an attempt to learn the local language. Men will respect you for it and women think it’s cute.
50. If you surround yourself with tourists, you’ll be treated like one.
49. Playing the “strong silent” type can be a great angle if you don’t know what anyone is saying.
48. Everyone in the world speaks body language. Not everyone understands body shots though.
47. Latin Punctuality Guide – Work: on time, Date: 10-20 minutes late, Party: 1-2 hours late.
46. Some Colombian girls get fake boobs for their Quinceañera (sweet 15). Argentine women get fake boobs through their health insurance. What a world.
45. Butt implants are like jelly fish. They’re awesome to look at but you don’t want to get too close.
44. Never underestimate the power of a good wingman.
43. Don’t let your date drink too much. When she starts throwing food or dancing with the doorman, it’s time to cut her off.
42. Don’t drink too much on a date. When you start spilling drinks or confessing your love, it’s time to cut yourself off.
41. Pace yourself at a nightclub. Take the first half hour to just watch the club dynamics before approaching anyone. It might save yourself from a angry boyfriend or big friends.
40. If you turn and admire a beautiful women walk by in Latin America you’re not a pervert, you’re a man.
39. If things are going really bad, shut up. If things are going really good, shut up.
38. If ever in doubt, stop and think… what would James Bond do right now?
37. Never come to a party empty handed.
36. If you hear a knock on the door late at night when you’re with company… don’t answer it unless you’re missing somebody.
35. Gift Guide Based on Relationship: 1-night: Chocolate, Short-term: Flowers, Long-term: Clothing/jewelry (the gifts match the life span).
34. Living at home means PDA is necessary. Learn to embrace it.
33. Don’t meet the parents unless you’re serious. It’s a huge step no matter what she tells you.
32. If a woman wakes up and starts to clean your house. Pretend you’re sleeping.
31. When you’re at a loss for words in the morning play this song: “Yo No Se Mañana” by Luis Enrique.
30. Victoria doesn’t share her secret with everyone in Latin America. Proceed with caution.
29. Automatically add 2 bases when utilizing Sangria in cold weather and Clerico in warm weather.
28. If you say you’re going to call and she accepts that, call. If you don’t plan on calling, let her take your number so it’s not on you.
27. Don’t spread yourself too thin. If Zack Morris couldn’t do it, neither can you.
26. Everything is negotiable.
25. Dance Floor Etiquette 1: Ask permission to dance rather than just grinding up behind them like in the States.
24. Dance Floor Etiquette 2: If already on the dance floor, approach women with equal dancing partners or they will turn you down (they won’t leave their friends).
23. Unlike Americans, most Latinas eat their biggest meal for lunch, which is great because that save you money on dinner.
22. Expect to pay for everything with Latin women. However, the keepers will at least give you “the reach”.
21. Long distance relationships don’t work unless you have a definite end goal in sight.
20. Eye contact is amazingly affective. It can be used strategically from the boardroom to the bar (hold longer for added affect).
19. The Door Test rule applies everywhere.
18. Latin women tell you the truth about your lovemaking. Bring your A game.
17. Latin women have never seen “How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days”.
16. If she talks about your relationship status on the second date it’s time to move on. You’re witnessing just the tip of the iceberg. No excuses.
15. If a women calls and hangs up it’s not because she’s pranking you. She doesn’t want to use the credit on her phone. You have to call back.
14. Everything is better when you’re relaxed.
13. Be honest about your intentions and you’ll be surprised at how positive the reaction can be. If not, It will come back to haunt you.
12. What you do and say are two totally different things. Try to keep them on the same page.
11. The key to a women’s heart is through her friends. Embrace her friends and you win the girl (don’t sleep with them).
10. Buckle up every time. I don’t care how good of a driver she is. Understand this has nothing to do with transportation.
9. Treat your courtship with a woman like cooking a steak. You can never un-cook a burnt steak. Think about it.
8. 3 Words: Facebook. Privacy. Settings.
7. Women love men who are caring, thoughtful, funny, smart, strong, loyal, honest, spontaneous, classy, rugged and good lovers… so, just be that.
6. If a women out of your league seems overly interested calm down and evaluate your chances of being robbed.
5. The fastest way you will learn a language is by dating someone who doesn’t speak yours.
4. Be discreet when talking about your sex life. Like my mom said about this post, “remember, your wife could read this one day.”
3. Always listen to your mother.
2. Dancing leads to sex. if it doesn’t, start taking dance lessons.
1. Never take yourself too seriously.
In fact I’ve just written a book about it. Getting nude photos secretely taken of me by a local while taking a shower in a hostel in Bolivia. Check. Getting groped while walking back to my hostel on the beach in Peru. Check. Having my tour guide who hadn’t said a word to me during the machu picchu tour suddenly propose we duck into the bushes and have sex. Check.
Townie classic right here. Well done.
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